Writing your own wedding vows
Good morning blog readers! Today I am talking writing your own vows…eeeek! Sounds nerve racking. There are lots and lots of blogs out there that you can google and search for if you need help and advice on writing your wedding vows, but one of the things I have noticed is they all seem to give very little advice and more about ‘here are some vows you can use’. Doesn’t that defeat the object of writing your own wedding vows?
I have attended lots of weddings in my time, as you can imagine and I always think there is something a little special about a wedding where vows are a little more personal. I know that writing your own vows can be nerve racking and isn’t easy to do but it will be worth it. Reciting your own vows can be very moving. It’s always the part that makes me cry!
Where to start
When writing your own wedding vows they should be personal and come from the heart but that doesn’t mean you can read examples of what others have said. This will give you some ideas and thoughts on how to structure your vows and inspiration of what to say but vows should be personal, about your love story and your future. They should come from the heart and reflect who you are. And if I can give one piece of advice, don’t leave it until the morning of your wedding, it won’t end well!
Talk to your fiancé
First of all you need to agree when writing your own wedding vows the tone so talk to each other, will they be funny, will they be romantic? You don’t want to promise to stand by their side during the zombie apocalypse if their vows sound like the inside of a Hallmark card, so talk it through before you put pen to paper. No one wants an awkward moment at the altar.
Planning when writing your own wedding vows can really help you with what to say and how to say it. Start off by thinking about your relationship and in particular your fiancé and jot down some ideas.
- What went through your head when you first saw your fiancé
- Where did you meet
- What is your favourite memory
- What do you love most about them
- Is there anything that your fiancé has supported you with
- Are there any tough times you have gone through together
- Is there anything they do that inspires you
- What do you admire about them
- What are your plans for the future
- Is there anything you enjoy doing together
- What made you decide to get married
Now move on to thinking about you and what you want from your marriage. Being married isn’t easy and sometimes it can be really hard work (see comment re toilet paper) so what do you want to give to your marriage? What do you want to promise. It doesn’t have to be anything big, it doesn’t have to be anything domestic. It might just be that you promise to always be there. Remember, you’re not Keats or Byron and no one expects Love Letters of Great Men.
So once you have made notes about your relationship, your fiancé and your feelings start to make note about what you want for you future together. Perhaps you already have plans or there may be something you have talked about doing, places you want to see. Think about growing older together and what this looks like for you.
Involving the kids
If you have children, you could get them to help you think of ideas. Involving the children in your wedding vows, whether it be them helping you to write them or saying them to step children is a beautiful way of involving them. I can’t imagine there was a dry eye in the house at this wedding!
Writing your own wedding vows
So we have done all of the planning and now’s the time to start the writing! Go through your notes and start to get some ideas down. Begin by talking about your love story, what you love about your fiancé, about your relationship, about being together. Once you have said what you want to say about them, move on to some promises. What will you promise throughout your marriage. It might even be something as simple as promising to love them, these are your vows and you can promise whatever you like. There are some days when I would marry any man who promised me to change the toilet roll once in a while! Finally look to the future. What are your hopes and dreams for your future together.
When you have finished writing your own wedding vows read them through and time yourself. Your vows should be between one and two minutes. This might not sound like long but trust me, it is.
You may go through several drafts, or you may just have one attempt and it’s perfect, everyone is different so don’t listen to other people, these are your vows.
I have been paid to speak in pubic for too many years to count. It’s something that I no longer get nervous about and sometimes, depending on the subject and the audience I don’t do much planning beforehand, however, when I spoke at my Mom’s wedding I can’t tell you how nervous I was. Talking about something that is so personal and so important to you may take time to get right but whatever you say, as long as you say ‘I love you’, then you have done what you need.
If you are writing your own wedding vows, what advice would you give?